Changing our Perspective, Silence & Mondays

Hello my friend,

“You’ve already achieved goals you said would make you happy.” - Alex Hormozi.

I heard this quote again this week and wanted to explore it further.

As humans we have this tendency to ‘move the goalposts’.

Certain things that we once dreamed of having- that job or career, the friends or partner we are with, the city we live in, the business we’ve started, the children we have, the high spec motor, the detached house with spacious garden, some of which are now a reality for many of us. One or more of these things we said would make us happy.

But now these things don’t feel quite enough, do they?

We’ve moved the goalposts.

We often forget what we once wanted. How far we’ve come and how much we now have.

We start to pay more attention to what’s not right or what we still don’t have. Even if we already have many of the things we desperately wanted at one previous stage.

I moved to Madrid, Spain in 2020. It was a big change, but an exciting one. I remember saying to myself that it would be the thing that would fill any gap in my life, close previous chapters, and give me all I was missing. It felt like a dream move.

Then fast forward just a couple of months after moving, new problems arose. I was stressing over a job, and finding a new apartment to live in. I worried that I should be challenging myself even more. I was lacking motivation and feeling something was not quite good enough. Something was still missing. Life in the Spanish capital - the thing that I said that would make me perfectly happy - wasn’t quite enough anymore.

I’d moved the goalposts again.

Now a small dose of this can be healthy. Wanting to achieve more and to challenge ourselves further require moving the goalposts somewhat. It can help drive us to create outcomes in the future that we would like.

But if we focus too much on what we don’t have over what we do, we will always feel short. It will never be enough.

It doesn’t matter the country we are in, the business we create, the person we are with, there will always feel like something is still missing.

We mustn’t forget to be in the present moment, one that we’ve often worked so hard for. We shouldn’t forget to be grateful for how far we’ve come, what we’ve overcome and achieved.

For the record I’m happy in Spain, but I often make a point to remind myself of how fortunate and grateful I am for what I have, and not what I’m missing. This is a great exercise to do regularly. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day problems of life and forget just how lucky we are and what we currently have.

Problems will never disappear and every area of our life will never be perfectly balanced or right. This will always be the case. It’s often those very problems that escalated us to where we are now. We are better off for them. We need them.

Remember those things you once said would really make you happy. You may have them right now.

Things I’m learning

Silence is a measure of a true friend.

Those who we can sit with in complete silence without feeling the need to speak are the ones to hold closest. They are normally the people you feel that you don’t need to prove a thing to. Priceless.

Choosing how we respond.

Often we are struck with a negative emotion of some kind. There is nothing off or wrong with this. It is human. However we have power over what we choose to do next.

“Your emotions are only signals. And you get to decide how you’ll respond to them.” - Arthur Brooks

Mondays aren’t bad, our situation is.

“I like to remind people that Mondays do not suck. If you feel that way, it’s not Mondays that are the problem, but the current structure and routine in your life.” - James Smith

I’ve just finished his book ‘Not a Life Coach’ after being gifted from a friend. Honestly wasn’t sure I’d love it but had plenty of gems and was super practical - very much enjoyed it. Cheers, James.

Life hack

If you get stuck staring at your phone too often (myself included) ‘grayscale’ mode is the hack you need. It basically dulls everything so much (yet the phone still works exactly the same) that it’s just damn unattractive to use. I’m trying to switch it on more often, not just late in the evening (which also massively helps overcome late night scrolling). You can set a schedule on this, or flick on as and when. Boring.

Question

What is something you now have in your life that you wished for when you were younger? Can you appreciate that thing even more right now?

That’s all for this week folks - back soon. Thanks as always for taking the time to read.

PS: Get your morning sun.

With Love, Nick